When Matti saw himself in the mirror for the first time after the accident it was a great shock. Now that really is you in the mirror, even though the nose is still bent and there are scars here and there on the face.

« One eye is bigger than the other, the left cheekbone is a little high while the right hand side has dropped a little. My nose is constantly blocked, there is a lot of metal in my face and the pain is still intense. Changes in temperature or a strong wind blowing into my face are really painful. »

The external wounds healed, but inside, Matti was still doing badly long after the accident.

« I was in intensive care for a couple of weeks. A psychiatric examination is usually proposed after such a long period of care. A diagnosis of depression came soon after the accident and I went to see a psychologist regularly a couple of times a week. That way I was able to keep on the rails to some extent. »

The total collapse came the following Christmas, when Matti travelled to the United States to visit a friend.

« I did not try to kill myself, but I could not see any other alternative. If there was a lorry coming from the opposite direction on the motorway, my only thought was to drive the car under it. Or if I was at the highest point in a shopping mall, I could only think of jumping off. Those kinds of really frightening thoughts. »

Matti went to see his psychologist to talk about his scary thoughts as soon as he got back to Finland. A slow recovery got underway. Every summer Matti thought how mixed up he had been the previous summer.

« It was close on three years before I had really recovered. I was sailing aimlessly without setting course for three years, with my head completely mixed up. Mental problems are a major issue. I don’t even want to think about what would happen to someone if they had problems and were unable to get treatment. »

Matti talks openly about his mental problems. Depression, post-traumatic stress caused by the accident, pain and several operations piled up on the shoulders of this top sportsman, and it was not possible just to brush them to one side.

« Talking has helped. In the beginning I tried to bypass the issues, but then the house of cards collapsed and the whole pack spread everywhere. I understood that I had to talk in order to move forward. It is easier to talk than to take all the pressure on yourself. »

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